Scars
weeeeee. we're going into month 3 of music processing because childhood abuse. i have gotten better at telling people. i'm up to 4 who know some of the gorier details. still not up for going back to therapy. something about breaking the abuse test gets to me. it's easier to laugh about it. crying's too hard. too painful. all because the abuser wouldn't let me cry. that's right, kids. i was punished for crying. it's a sign of weakness. it's pointless. you have no reason to cry. i'll give you a reason to cry. so i became numb. i shut down. i forced myself to not cry. which means now it's physically painful for me to cry. every time i feel like crying, my first reaction is to stop it at all costs. all thanks to the asshole who raised me. who molded me. who made me his toy. his plaything. but i have music to help. i can find my emotions in there. i can feel what i can't do. i can feel the words. feel the notes. feel the emotion. my brain can